i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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