He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
