I bet he comes in French.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
