when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
