What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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