i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
