Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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