mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
