was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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