the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize