He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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