either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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