I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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