Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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