There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize