what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
