im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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