You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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