You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
