What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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