apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
