How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
