Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
