weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
