I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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