We named our party play list daddy issues
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
