And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
