a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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