your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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