Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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