I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
