If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize