his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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