i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
