If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
