I will die if light touches me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
