Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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