did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Randomize
