just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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