I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am naked and annoyed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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