This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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