i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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