so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize