Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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