Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
jump out the window naked night went bad
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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