When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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