I look better un-naked...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
