I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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