Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
