Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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