The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
