So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
