I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
