I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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