You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
