I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
