i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
