Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
