ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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