He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
