i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
