to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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