She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
