Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
