I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
