does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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