Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
