So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
